I search for…

HAPPINESS. It shouldn’t be so difficult to find. I feel and I know I deserve to be happy as much as the next woman. I wouldn’t want to be miserable. Misery is the last thing on my mind.

MEANING. And then I realized it is not only happiness that I seek but meaning. I want to matter. I want my life to have a meaning.  I want to be made aware that what I do and the reason for me being here matter.

CAUSE. I need that one thing, that one thing that I’m passionate of. That one thing that keeps me going. That one thing that is always on my mind before going to sleep and immediately once I wake up. That one thing that is worth fighting for. It is only then that I find meaning, because I’ve found a cause that is far greater than myself.

SOMEONE. Sometimes, it is not happiness, meaning or cause. I just need someone. Someone who’ll stand beside me. Someone who can chase all the monsters away. Someone who’ll say, “I’ll be right here, no matter what.”

REMEMBER THIS JAIDEN?

I gave you the name Seonne Jaiden, because God is so gracious. He heard my prayers when I asked for a child. He has given you to me for a reason. He knows Mama can take care of you more than anyone in this world. You are so precious to me, that I wouldn’t change a thing because you’re so perfect. May you always know how loved and special you are. I wouldn’t let anyone treat you unkindly. I look forward to the day when you get to read this and think that I am being too protective. And on that day son, Autism no longer dictates your life.

You have to grow son, and that’s the way it should be.I do believe in miracles and deep in my heart I know you’ll recover. Do good in school. Be a considerate brother to Maya. May you grow to be a man who gives unconditionally and thinks kindly. Aspire for greatness Jai, don’t be discouraged with stumbling blocks. We all fall, you just have to learn to get up and continue. Take care of yourself always. Mama can’t stay alive forever.

If I could move a mountain for you, take away any pain or steer you to the right direction, I would.  There is still so much to look forward to in your life and there is beauty in that, you determine who you are and we are all here to guide you through. But this I promise you son, as long as I live, I will take you by the hand, and we’ll take this journey together. You and me. Every second that I breathe, I love you more than my last breath.

Congratulations for winning the Student of the Month Award Son. I love you so much!

Back in January 17, 2010, I  wrote about you. I was not pregnant then, or maybe I was. Papa and I were thinking of a perfect name for you for God knows how much we wanted a daughter. And like an answered prayer, here you are now, beautiful, smart and healthy.

It is impossible that I could love you any more than I do.  You are so dear and special to me. And those two words don’t even begin to cover what is in my soul.  The thought of you brings tears to my eyes, just because of how meant to be it was for you to come to us.  God’s angels definitely delivered you to our door, that is for sure!  You are a true gift from heaven. I absolutely adore being your Mom.

I love you so much, my Maya.  I know that your life will be as sweet for you as you have made it for all of us.  You’re my earth angel.

]]> http://ynasanpedro.com/blog/matters-of-the-heart/my-maya/feed/ 0 http://ynasanpedro.com/blog/matters-of-the-heart/my-10-rules-to-live-by/ http://ynasanpedro.com/blog/matters-of-the-heart/my-10-rules-to-live-by/#comments Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:51:28 +0000 Mother Nurse http://ynasanpedro.com/blog/?p=1616

1. “Think outside of the box.” If you’re part of a BIG thing, think of ways on how to be more efficient and productive. If you’re involved in a sinking situation, get out of it quick before you sink with everyone else.

2. “Make quality a priority.” There are no shortcuts. Giving a little extra, living by higher standards and paying close attention to details really make a difference. Do not be a mediocre.

3.  “Do what you love and love what you do.” Find a job that provides you direction, gives you purpose and satisfies your life. You may even live longer if you do this.

4. “There shouldn’t be any space for procrastination.” Do I need to explain that?

5. “Make a difference in this world, by not preaching or being self-righteous. Instead, set an example.”

6. “Don’t be afraid to dream.” Our imagination is limitless. If you think you’ve found the next big thing, jump right out of bed and decide on it quickly. Usually, the first step is the hardest…what follows is just a piece of cake.

7. “Do your best in everything.” Success invites greater success, you gotta stay hungry for it.

8. “Mistakes happen, let go, move forward and learn from them.” Even the most successful person commits mistakes. Who doesn’t?

9. “Strive to be a leader.” In case you become one, lead WISELY. You’re here in this universe to make your mark, otherwise, why would you be here anyway?

10. “Follow your heart.” It’s your own effin’ life. Be your own boss.

Motherhood brings with it a natural instinct for childcare. There are times when you wish you knew more about handling situations such as when your child is sick, recovering from illness or is suffering from a chronic disease. During these times, the best position to be in is to know what a NURSE would do in these kinds of situations.

The opposite happens to me when my children are not well. I lose all my nursing skills and worry a lot. Well, I guess worrying is an integral part of parenthood. You cannot flush it out from a mother’s system.

Sometimes I think things would be easier if I didn’t know quite so much about nursing.

To not see Maya’s smile every morning when she wakes up, to not hear Jaiden’s goodnight prayer before bedtime and to not feel Ross’ soft kiss on my forehead every night before I hit the bed, are just some of the nightmares I have to face. Only one thought makes me happy and hopeful…that the sacrifice I will have to make, will give them the brightest future ever.

“Man, alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality; man, alone, can dream and make his dreams come true.” Napoleon Hill

Jaiden and Maya are too young to tell you how a wonderful father you are, so let me say this in their behalf: Thank you for taking care of us everyday, prioritizing our needs over yours, and letting us know and feel we’re safe when you’re around. We love you Pa, even if we don’t say it everyday, with every kiss that lands on your lips, nose and oily forehead, you will know how much you mean to us. No words can ever describe. You are our wall and our rock. We are not going anywhere. You are what we need to be whole. We love you Papa. Happy Father’s Day!