An Open Letter to My Husband on His Birthday

Today you’re 39. Officially closer to 40 than 30 (Yay!), yet still looking younger than ever. The years are passing by so quickly, and I absolutely love spending every bit of my life with you. I love the way you love me and our kids with all that you have. I love how you change from being geeky to an all-around-guy to a perfect father to our kids. I love sitting back and watch you rock at basically everything you do. I don’t say it often, but I like you to know I am so proud of you. You make me proud.

You are the best partner in the world. You’re always loving and forgiving even when I become cranky, or even when I say something stupid, when I am passive-aggressive, or even when I show my selfish side ( on one too many occasions). You are still there.

For the past 12 years, we’ve shared love, tears and excitement. We’ve envisioned our dreams together and have witnessed them come true before our very eyes. You’ve been there with me through all my struggles. From work problems, to giving birth, to raising a family. You always have a listening ear, and you always laugh at the craziest things I do or say. You relieve my anxieties and cover me with your embrace just when I needed it the most. I’ve been belittled, crushed and pushed to my lowest so many times in this life, but you stayed by my side no matter what.

After going through two complicated pregnancies, my body completely changed. I gained so much weight, I earned a double chin, a flab and was awarded the most awkward stretchmarks. Inspite of all these, you always make sure to let me know I am still the most beautiful of them all. You still date me, love and kiss me like before, and you still rub my back, massage my head even when you’re tired and sleepy or even when your hands hurt. Because for you, my comfort comes first.

Thank you for being my rock Daddy. You’re my joy and my constant reminder that God is always good and that He had planned us from the very start. Thank you for making me your wife and the mother of your kids. Thanks for spending your life with me and reminding me that we don’t need much in this life but God, each other, our kids and family. I hope today is one of your best birthdays ever. You deserve a day that is as special as you are. I love you so much. Happy Birthday Daddy!

Search. Play. Rewind.

I have a song that I keep playing over and over again on Spotify. My husband can’t help but ask WHY??! Lol. Brandon Boyd has the answer.  There’s always this one song that energizes you, heals you and soothes your soul. 

Lessons Learned at 38

I initially planned on writing this on my birthday but I was busy spending time with and thanking the people who really matter in my life. 

Although I always say age is just but a number, truth is, there is some kind of wisdom in numbers. At 38, I’ve learned a lot of lessons in life. These are applicable to me and reflect my past experiences. These might not work for everyone but if you find it helpful, by all means feel free to grab it.

  1. Cherish your family and true friends. They will never leave you no matter what.
  2. Your dreams and aspirations may seem insignificant and trivial to others. Don’t listen to them, move forward. You don’t have to change anything to please others. 
  3. Reanalyze your relationships. Sometimes you’re unaware that you’re reflecting what’s around you ( and you realize most of it is just drama).
  4. Make your OWN rules.
  5. You will meet a lot of people as you go along in this life. But you can’t make friends out of everyone. 
  6. Always keep a paper trail. It might just cover your ass in the future. 
  7. Maintain a high moral standard. Do I have to explain that?
  8. Some people would want you to be just like them. Ask yourself. Do you really want to be like them? Be unique. Be yourself. Be the best version of YOU. 
  9. Read books. Reading makes you smarter. NO JOKE.
  10. The best way to deal with toxic people, is not to deal with them at all. 
  11. Some questions are best left unanswered.  You don’t need answers when you are happily living in the questions. 
  12. Laugh out loud. Try it. It feels good. 
  13. Stop being mean. Stop being a pushover. 
  14. Your mental health is just as vital as your physical health. 
  15. Whoever says you’re ugly and fat is a certified douche bag. Your physical appearance is not your value. 

Back and Ahead

I don’t know how to write anymore. It is as if I lost my way with words. There is a jungle of emotions inside me, and I couldn’t let it out.  As I type these words, my thoughts vanish into vapor trails.

Words came freely to me when I was younger. I can write about the most unexciting and mundane of things. In fact, when I resurrected this blog, I found 476 entries that for now I wish to keep private.

 Is it because I’ve been feeling at a lost lately? This anxiety of the unknown, that has been brewing since last year, has created this inner turmoil that feels like I’ve been macerated in way too long in scalding water. And everything around me is out of focus. I need to regain control.

I will regain control. Writing is my way of reminding me that once upon a time, I was a steady and determined girl. That person has to be inside me somewhere. And when I find her again, there’ll be no more stops and detours. She is moving forward.

To the next 38

It is almost one in the morning on a Saturday (weekend yay!).  Today I am packing up what amounts to half my life, because in eight days I would turn thirty eight. Almost 70% of that life has been about work and constant worry of what the future will bring. 

As I add one more year to my age, I want to feel younger and not older. I want to feel how it is to be underage like  getting drunk and doing something I know I am not supposed to do. I want to do the craziest thing ever but this time with less fear and guilt. No repercussions.  If it makes any sense, I want to live… live in the moment.  

Yes, I am on the brink of 38. But that is just a number.