Love Is Not A Feeling

Have you ever thought a lot about love? Is love just a string of promises that some people choose to believe in, only to have their faith shattered like glass and their hearts broken in the end? Some people say love is a feeling but is it really? Feelings are fleeting. It can be short-lived…it can fade. It is fugitive. It is dangerous. Love therefore is not a feeling but a choice. 

Love is constant and true. Love is choosing a person for a reason. And loving is always remembering what those reasons are.  Love is choosing to see the good in that person and letting go of the bad. Love is choosing to stay with that person even through the hardest times.  Love isn’t something you find or look for but a choice you make. The most valiant part of real love is the choosing, always been, always will. 

 

Daddy’s Girl

To my rock and foundation, I thank God that He gave me you. Thank you for providing us with a good home and a solid education.  Thank you for always staying by my side no matter what. And even now that we are thousands of miles away from each other, you never really made me feel that you’re unreachable. Thank you for setting me straight when I need it. Thank you for loving my own family unconditionally. I always say, whatever I have and whoever I am today I owe everything to you. 

I could never say Thank You enough because I could never repay all the love that you showered me. I want you to know that you are well-loved, because you are truly an extraordinary person.

Honestly, I don’t know how old ( or should I say young? ) you are . I stopped counting. I don’t want you to grow old. If I could beg God to keep you with us forever I would. 

I love you Daddy. Happy Birthday! Can’t wait to see you again. 

Love,

Daddy’s Girl

“Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad. –Anne Geddes

 

Lessons Learned at 38

I initially planned on writing this on my birthday but I was busy spending time with and thanking the people who really matter in my life. 

Although I always say age is just but a number, truth is, there is some kind of wisdom in numbers. At 38, I’ve learned a lot of lessons in life. These are applicable to me and reflect my past experiences. These might not work for everyone but if you find it helpful, by all means feel free to grab it.

  1. Cherish your family and true friends. They will never leave you no matter what.
  2. Your dreams and aspirations may seem insignificant and trivial to others. Don’t listen to them, move forward. You don’t have to change anything to please others. 
  3. Reanalyze your relationships. Sometimes you’re unaware that you’re reflecting what’s around you ( and you realize most of it is just drama).
  4. Make your OWN rules.
  5. You will meet a lot of people as you go along in this life. But you can’t make friends out of everyone. 
  6. Always keep a paper trail. It might just cover your ass in the future. 
  7. Maintain a high moral standard. Do I have to explain that?
  8. Some people would want you to be just like them. Ask yourself. Do you really want to be like them? Be unique. Be yourself. Be the best version of YOU. 
  9. Read books. Reading makes you smarter. NO JOKE.
  10. The best way to deal with toxic people, is not to deal with them at all. 
  11. Some questions are best left unanswered.  You don’t need answers when you are happily living in the questions. 
  12. Laugh out loud. Try it. It feels good. 
  13. Stop being mean. Stop being a pushover. 
  14. Your mental health is just as vital as your physical health. 
  15. Whoever says you’re ugly and fat is a certified douche bag. Your physical appearance is not your value. 

Back and Ahead

I don’t know how to write anymore. It is as if I lost my way with words. There is a jungle of emotions inside me, and I couldn’t let it out.  As I type these words, my thoughts vanish into vapor trails.

Words came freely to me when I was younger. I can write about the most unexciting and mundane of things. In fact, when I resurrected this blog, I found 476 entries that for now I wish to keep private.

 Is it because I’ve been feeling at a lost lately? This anxiety of the unknown, that has been brewing since last year, has created this inner turmoil that feels like I’ve been macerated in way too long in scalding water. And everything around me is out of focus. I need to regain control.

I will regain control. Writing is my way of reminding me that once upon a time, I was a steady and determined girl. That person has to be inside me somewhere. And when I find her again, there’ll be no more stops and detours. She is moving forward.

To the next 38

It is almost one in the morning on a Saturday (weekend yay!).  Today I am packing up what amounts to half my life, because in eight days I would turn thirty eight. Almost 70% of that life has been about work and constant worry of what the future will bring. 

As I add one more year to my age, I want to feel younger and not older. I want to feel how it is to be underage like  getting drunk and doing something I know I am not supposed to do. I want to do the craziest thing ever but this time with less fear and guilt. No repercussions.  If it makes any sense, I want to live… live in the moment.  

Yes, I am on the brink of 38. But that is just a number.